Dear Everly, Read online

  Dear Everly,

  London Casey

  Jaxson Kidman

  Contents

  Foreword

  Stay social with both authors here:

  Dear Everly,

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Dear Everly,

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Dear Everly,

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Dear Everly,

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Dear Everly,

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Dear Everly,

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Dear Everly,

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Dear Everly,

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Dear Everly,

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Epilogue

  Dear Emily,

  Dear Sadie,

  From the authors:

  Breaking News!

  About the authors:

  Foreword

  From the minds of two bestselling authors comes this stand alone novel following a single father as he copes with the loss of fiancée… and the feelings he has for a woman who just moved in next door.

  Sometimes there are two types of forever…

  Written by London Casey (Karolyn James) and Jaxson Kidman

  Stay social with both authors here:

  Newsletter (part of the Outlaw Romance Obsession team): http://eepurl.com/b9BDKb

  Jaxson Kidman Facebook fan page: www.facebook.com/jaxsonkidman

  London Casey (Karolyn James) Facebook fan page: www.facebook.com/caseyandkidman

  St. Skin Facebook fan page: www.facebook.com/stskinseries

  Dear Everly,

  We promised each other forever, and now that’s gone. My memory of you is our daughter. I said I would never move on, but something happened. Someone moved into the house next door. She works at our daughter’s preschool. Everywhere I go, she’s there. My forever is changing now… I’m falling in love with her. Loving her means forgetting you. Loving her means letting you go. Loving her... means everything to me.

  I love you endlessly,

  Jake

  Prologue

  Dear Everly,

  I don’t want to write these words anymore. I want to speak them to you. I want to stare into your dark brown eyes, watch your lips move as you tell me something about that day that means so much, but wouldn’t mean a thing to someone else. The way the corners of your mouth get wider the more you get excited. The way you start to smile long before you actually want to smile. Because that’s just who you are. What you do. Bringing a light to my life, to the world. To everyone you meet. When we first met, I was jealous. I know, it’s crazy. Looking at me, you’d never think I’d be jealous. And trust me, I’m not that type. But I was the jealous one. Jealous because everyone was looking at you. You didn’t know it though. There were so many others to look at. Those who were offering what I only wanted from you. You made me put my glass down. I think we both know that there’s only a few times in the history of mankind that I put my glass down for someone.

  Something happened. The world twisted a little. Not only did you end up in my arms, right where you belonged, but I was no longer jealous. I didn’t have time to be jealous. My world became you. My existence. Every demon I had to shake off, was because of you. Instead of me being jealous of everyone, everyone became jealous of me. I had gotten her. The perfect woman. A woman that knew right when to hug me and to soothe me, kiss me to shut me up, pull me into the bedroom when you knew exactly what you wanted from me. But more than that, a woman who went from flirting with other women to tease me, to a woman standing in the bathroom, holding your round belly, staring at yourself in the mirror, readying yourself to give birth to our daughter. And never once did you show fear. Never once did you doubt yourself. Never once did you doubt me. A woman who leaned on me, trusting my strength and my love. And a woman who cradled our daughter for the first time… looked up at me… and finally let herself go.

  I never wanted to see you cry but I know I made you cry many times. But that moment, when you cried, holding Sadie, it all made sense to me. I was the guy who went for a slice of pizza and fell in love. Not with the pizza though, even though it was pretty damn good. It was you, Ev. I fell in love with you. And then I had you. You carried our daughter. You carried my heart.

  Then you gave Sadie to me to hold. She was so tiny in my hands. My arms. I thought I was going to break her. She was precious. Like she was made from porcelain. I compared every feature of hers to yours. She was going to be beautiful. No. She was beautiful.

  I looked down at you and asked if you wanted her back.

  You told me to soak the moment in. That it was okay to cry. That I should cherish every moment holding her.

  So I did.

  I soaked the moment in. I cried a little. I cherished those moments.

  But I kept looking at you.

  Your messy hair, your tired face, but your eyes were so alive.

  You whispered, “This is all ours… for the rest of our lives together…”

  I smiled.

  I felt like a king.

  I never felt so strong in my life.

  But soon enough, I would be the only one holding our daughter. I would be the only one taking care of Sadie. I would be the one playing daddy, mommy, and everything in between.

  Remember the time I caught you crying, alone, in our bed? Because you were thinking about your mother and it hurt you that she wasn’t around to see you and your growing belly. That she didn’t care that you were becoming a mother. That you felt like you had nowhere to turn to ask for any advice without looking weak. I slipped my arms around you and held you. I had nothing to say because I didn’t want to step on your pain.

  You told me you would just swallow it in and show strength for our daughter.

  Our daughter.

  That’s how you slipped the news to me that we were having a girl.

  You took a bad moment and made it something great, something special.

  That’s what I’ve been doing. For a long time.

  But the days are catching up to me, Everly.

  I miss you more than I ever thought I possibly could.

  I never wanted to be left like this. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want it. But it happened. Now I’m alone, Everly. I’m so alone.

  I love you endlessly,

  Jake

  Chapter One

  Rock, Paper, Scissors

  (Jake)

  You knew I didn’t need to mess with the engine on the car anymore, but you knew I couldn’t help myself. She was fast. She was loud. But there was always something to do to her. From the moment I spotted her in a junkyard, just a hunk of rust (as you lovingly put it) I knew I had to have her. You supported me. I gave up my half of the garage to work on the car. It took me a long damn time to get it back into running condition. Funny the way life moves along though
. When I bought the car, I planned on fixing it up and taking you for a long ride. The windows down. Sun roof open. The wind blowing your hair everywhere as you sang along to those country songs I can’t stand.

  Instead, the first time I took the car out on the road we had a car seat in the back. And I had to drive super slow.

  “How’s she coming along?”

  My head popped up from the engine. I loved the way you called the car she just like I did. You had no idea about the car, yet you went along with everything I said and did.

  “Almost there,” I said. “Where’s Sadie?”

  “She’s napping.”

  You walked to me, that little nibble on your bottom lip to hint at something.

  Right here? In the garage? On the car?

  I’d slam the hood shut and throw you on it before you could make a sound.

  You slipped your arms around my neck and moved to your toes. I loved that you had to be on your toes to kiss me. You made me feel a hundred feet tall yet your eyes could break me down in seconds.

  We shared a kiss, the kind of kiss that got us into the whole we’re having a baby situation, because, face it, we didn’t plan for Sadie. And that was cool. Because miracles aren’t planned. They just happen.

  My hands ran along your sides, feeling the curves of your body. You didn’t like your body, but I loved it even more. I already told myself I’d spend every waking day making sure you knew how beautiful you were.

  I grabbed at your belt and picked you up like you weighed nothing. You threw your legs around me, letting out a groaning cry.

  Now we were eye level.

  “Jake…”

  “Everly…”

  “Want to hear something dirty?” you whispered.

  Your breath hinted at coffee. I fucking loved that. All those late nights together with Sadie and early mornings with coffee and flirty glances. Dammit, woman, you always knew how to work things and keep me guessing and following you around with my tongue on the ground, panting, desperate for you to look at me one more time.

  “I would love to hear something dirty,” I said. “The dirtier the better.”

  You kissed me. You flirted with your tongue all the way along my neck to my ear. You bit my ear.

  In my head I was already undressing you. I was going to put you in the back seat of the car and kiss you places that would make you blush. It wouldn’t have been the first time we fooled around in the back seat of the car.

  “You ready, baby?” you said in a growly voice.

  “Christ, Everly,” I said. “What are you…”

  “Sadie shit in the last diaper,” you said. Then you giggled. “And someone needs to go get more before she wakes up…”

  You pulled away and smiled.

  I sighed and shook my head. “You’re serious?”

  “Yeah. I thought we had more but they’re a different size. Forgot that they were a smaller size. My bad. Things have been so busy…”

  “You don’t have to explain,” I said. “It’s not a big deal. We’ll get some diapers.”

  “We’ll? Sadie is sleeping.”

  “I’m working on my car.”

  “I’m the woman.”

  “You just got me hard for no reason.”

  You laughed. God, it was such an infectious laugh.

  “You’re not going to go?” you asked.

  I put you down and held my fist out. “You just blue balled me.”

  “But I’m pretty, right?”

  “Oh, Everly, you are fucking beautiful,” I said. “But still… rock, paper, scissors?”

  You laughed, clapping your hands together.

  Anytime we had a decision to make, we did it through rock, paper, scissors. Taking a vacation, buying the house, to pick the date for our upcoming wedding, all of that shit, it was done by rock, paper, scissors.

  “You’re on,” you said. “But I’m warning you… if I lose and have to go to the store, I’m feeling impulsive today. So I might just buy new clothes. New shoes. You never know what I’ll come home with.”

  “As long as it’s not a new man, I don’t care,” I said.

  “Replace you? Never. Nobody compares to you, Jake.”

  “Yeah, yeah, don’t butter me up. Let’s do this.”

  We both readied our fists. We studied each other’s eyes. This was serious business. Two grown adults with a baby sleeping and we were playing rock, paper, scissors.

  The greatest moments of my life.

  “Ready?” you whispered.

  “Ready,” I said.

  “Okay… rock… paper…”

  “Scissors,” I took over.

  Together, we both yelled, “SHOOT!”

  I knew you would go for rock. You always did. It was a weakness of yours. I almost threw scissors as a giveaway win but then I thought about what you said. You wanted to go shopping. I’d clean up, go inside, and wait for Sadie to wake up. I’d make a sandwich, watch the baby monitor, shake my head that I had a daughter.

  At the last second, I threw paper.

  “Paper covers rock,” I said. “Make sure you get the right size diapers.”

  “Jerk,” you said.

  I grabbed you and spun you around, hugging you.

  I kissed you.

  I had the urge to just keep kissing you.

  That instinctive urge proved to be scarily right because it was the last kiss I ever had with you.

  I watched you leave the driveway. I wiped my hands with a towel and threw it at the car. I was thinking about selling the car. I could get a real nice check for it. Nice enough that I could pay for the addition on the house Everly wanted. A sunroom with lots of windows. A place to sit in the morning and drink coffee. And there would be enough money leftover that I could invest in Sadie’s college fund or maybe take us all on a vacation.

  I loved the car but not as much as I loved my family.

  Shit.

  I had become a family man. Something I never thought would happen.

  I turned around and tried to spot you in the car again.

  But you were gone.

  No, seriously, you were gone.

  I heard a loud slam. A shatter. A thundering boom. It’s like metal being ripped apart by giant steel claws. I turned and turned and turned, but couldn’t find the sound. I ran to the front door of the house and ripped it open. Sadie sat there, on the welcome mat, her butt perfectly placed over the o. She had your keys in her hand, a rubber keychain jammed into her mouth, drool running down her hand.

  I looked forward, confused, and saw through the entire house. Through the back sliding glass doors and off the deck. The deck that you wanted to replace, so I took some serious overtime at the auto shop to be able to surprise you with a new, expensive deck. You sat there every spring, summer, and fall morning with your thoughts and your beautiful smile.

  Beyond the deck was the swing set. The wooden swing set that came with the house.

  And it was on fire.

  “Shit,” I yelled.

  I reached for Sadie. I had to get her off the damn floor and get the fire extinguisher to get that fire out.

  But there was no Sadie.

  She was gone.

  I looked down.

  Gone.

  “Sadie?” I asked.

  I took a step forward and tripped.

  I fell to the floor, smashing my right knee hard.

  I jumped to my feet and looked back.

  Sadie was still gone.

  But now it was…

  “Everly?” I asked.

  You were in a peach colored dress. Your hands folded across your chest. Your hair done beautifully. Your skin…

  “Everly,” I said.

  I blinked fast.

  I heard a cry.

  To my right, Sadie was in the living room, sitting on the couch, in a black dress.

  “Everly!” I yelled.

  Everly…

  My eyes popped open and I sat up in bed.

  I no longer grabbed
for the sheets because I knew I was alone in bed. The whole bad dream thing was my reality. I touched my forehead and wiped the sweat away. My heart pounded. Really hard. Really fast. I grabbed for the bottle of water I learned to keep on my nightstand. In the top drawer, tucked way in the back, in a small locked box (so Sadie could never get into it) were some pills. Pills that would help me sleep. Pills that would calm me. Pills that would make Everly’s memory go away.

  Fuck those pills.

  I rubbed my jaw and looked around the room.

  I never understood the need for a guest room in the house… until now.

  Almost right on damn cue, the bedroom door slowly opened.

  I reached and turned on the light on the nightstand. I took a quick drink of water and watched as four-year-old Sadie walked into the room. Hugging a dirty white unicorn named Bo, short for Rainbow (“Jake! Look at this! We have to get this! It’s so freaking cute, isn’t it?! We’ll name it Bo! It’ll be our first pet together!”). She paused when she saw me staring at her.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

  “I had a funny dream.”

  “Funny? Like clowns?”

  “Funny scary,” she said. “I don’t want to go back to my bed.”

  “You don't?” I asked. “But you have a really nice bed.”

  “No I don’t.”

  She looked at me, her eyes wider.

  I swore sometimes she just knew. That there was a sensor in her pretty little mind that made her know when I was having a shit time with life. Because right when I got to the edge, Sadie was there to pull me back. And how fair was that to her? Stripped of so much already in her young life.

  I threw the covers off and got out of the bed.

  I took two steps and crouched down.