Dear Everly, : a romance novel Read online

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  One kid ran to a corner.

  Another pointed at the bag. “Peanut butter!”

  Oh, shit…

  I looked at Miss Anderson. She forced a half smile. “Jake…”

  “I know,” I said. “It slipped my mind.”

  The center had a strict no peanut butter policy. Which wasn’t a problem at all. Except when I wasn’t focused and brought peanut butter in. Which was usually three times a month.

  I saw Sadie’s face turn a deep shade of red.

  Miss Anderson walked to the table and grabbed the bag. “It’s okay, kids. Nothing to worry about.”

  I took the bag from her and stuffed it into my back pocket. I crouched down to face Sadie. “Sorry about that, sweetheart.”

  “I have no snack now,” she said.

  Her eyes were so rich and brown. Like milk chocolate.

  Her mother’s eyes.

  “I’ll get you a snack,” I whispered. “I promise.”

  “Not those weird cookies from Mickey.”

  I smiled. “No. Not those.”

  Mickey always bought the cheapest cookies he could find. They were like pieces of dirt and crumbled at the first bite. Hell, dirt probably tasted better.

  “Actually, I can do one better,” Miss Anderson said. “I accidentally packed two snacks today for myself. Silly me.”

  I looked up at her.

  She smiled and winked.

  She bailed my ass out several times with Sadie.

  I hugged Sadie and kissed her.

  I stood and followed Miss Anderson to her desk. “Thanks for that. It slipped my mind.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I always have extras. You know me.”

  “Let me give you some money to get some more stuff for the classroom.”

  “No need, Jake. It’s okay. Things happen.”

  I rubbed my jaw. “Yeah. Things happen.” From the corner of my eye I saw another desk. I gave a nod. “Two desks?”

  “I’m finally getting some help,” Miss Anderson said. “A few days a week. Her name is Miss Emily. It’s good. It’ll let us pay more attention to the kids, you know?”

  “Does that mean my monthly bill is going up too?” I asked.

  “I don’t handle that, Jake.”

  “I know you don’t. I’m joking. I’ll leave you be. They’re going to get restless soon.”

  I started to move and Miss Anderson touched my hand. “You’re doing good, Jake. Peanut butter crackers aren’t the end of the world.”

  “Tell that to the kid who’s allergic. I’ll try not to do that again.”

  I walked out of the classroom and stood there.

  Miss Anderson began her class. She had everyone yell to her GOOD MORNING! as loud as they could. That was their one yell allowed for the day.

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and looked around the halls.

  Everly would loved the place. She would. I could see her walking the halls, touching all the artwork, loving the innocence of it. The stick figures, misshaped cut out pieces, messy handwriting.

  I got back into my truck and cleared my throat again.

  It was time for work. Actual work.

  I reached into my pocket and pulled out the peanut butter crackers.

  I stuffed a handful into my mouth and pulled over.

  Before I could finish chewing, my eyes filled up with tears.

  Dear Everly,

  I took Sadie to the playground today. I need to clean out the fridge though. The food is just piling up. How many pieces of lasagna can one guy eat? Flowers and pasta. That’s what our house has become, Everly. I wish it was me buying the flowers and you making the lasagna. But we both know you can’t cook. Don’t get mad, it’s the truth. I’m smiling as I write this. I remember that first time you tried to make me dinner. You forgot about the spaghetti and it turned into mush. Granted, we were sort of flirting, kissing, me filling your wine glass over and over - but with good intentions, I promise. We ordered pizza. Remember that? Then I spent the night. My first night with you. Waking up with you in my arms. Staring at you while you were sleeping. Not looking to the door, going through the list of excuses to get the hell out of there. Shit, I was thinking of excuses to tell the world so I could spend the rest of the day with you.

  The rest of my life with you.

  So the fridge. Sorry. I got off topic. The good news is that I have enough storage containers for life. How’s that for a silver lining? I lose you but I get containers. For what? So I could fucking meal prep? Stand in the kitchen, whistling to fucking music, cooking enough chicken for a small country, to make sure I get all my proteins for the week?

  Okay. Sadie.

  I couldn’t be in the house anymore.

  I took her to the park.

  I let her break away from me for a few minutes to play with some of the small things. She tried to climb that turtle thing. You know the one where you sit on it and rock back and forth. It’s connected to a thick spring. You sat on that turtle. You laughed. Your hair flew all around. You said you were going to be sick. I wish I took a picture of that. But I didn’t.

  I took a picture of Sadie trying to climb it though.

  I put her in that purple dress you bought her. The one with the yellow flowers. I know you said it was more of a spring dress, but whatever, right? She looks beautiful, Everly. I’m not sure about the hair clips yet. They’re kind of all over the place on her little head. I’ll have to work on that.

  I was the only guy at the park. Standing there in a t-shirt, sunglasses on, wishing I could hide my face.

  Sadie wanted to get off the turtle. I crouched and helped her down. She touched my face. I puffed out my cheeks like a squirrel getting ready for winter. She smacked my cheeks and I let out a noise. Everly, she laughed so hard she fell back.

  It became a game.

  Over and over.

  Just me and her, ignoring the world.

  But I could feel them. Everyone looking at me. They all meant well, staring with sad eyes, their minds racing at what I must be going through and if there’s anything they could say to me. Truthfully, I wished they’d all fuck off. I don’t want to be mean, Everly, but this is what it has done to me.

  We stayed only for twenty minutes. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t take it. I felt like everyone was slowly closing in on me. Waiting to see who would be the first to say something.

  Amy - remember her? The one who lives a couple blocks away? Her son is Billy. She said something to me. She said she was having some party. She wanted me to come. Bring Sadie. There was going to be a cookout and a bouncy house. I didn’t even respond to her, Everly. I walked right by her like she wasn’t there.

  I held Sadie tight with one arm and had a bag thrown over my other shoulder.

  I made it to my truck and got Sadie into her seat.

  I looked at her.

  Then she said, “No more park?”

  She wanted to stay, Everly. She wanted to keep playing.

  But I had to leave.

  I’m broken, Everly.

  What kind of father am I going to be now?

  I love you endlessly,

  Jake

  Chapter Three

  Goodbye Old House, Hello New One

  (Emily)

  I managed to keep it all together until they wheeled out the oxygen tanks. They brought in a dolly cart and went to her bedroom. There were rubber lines on the hardwood floors, tracks that showed the path they took to get into the room. There was the sound of the tanks clanking together as they were loaded up. They were strapped carefully to the cart with a yellow strap. The man who came to get the stuff gave me a weak smile, knowing damn well why he was there. He didn’t say sorry, which I appreciated. He didn’t say a thing to me until he was getting ready to leave. Just to verify that everything was settled up.

  When I walked into her room and saw those ugly green tanks gone, I lost it.

  My grandmother had raised me
most of my life. And just when I had the chance to really start my own life I received a call that my grandmother had been stopped by police for driving the wrong way on a highway. That led to a spiral of her health and the only thing I could do for her was give her my time and my love.

  I parked my car in the small parking lot and looked at the real estate office. It was a house, ironically. A house turned into a business to sell houses and help people buy houses. My realtor - Karen - had been amazing through the entire process for me. One second I didn’t want to sell the house, the next second I did. When an offer came in on my grandmother’s house, I would find every reason to ignore it and say no. But Karen did something unexpected. She sat me down in a diner one Saturday morning and showed me a house that was on the market. A beautiful little house. The kind of house that I could buy with cash, thanks to my grandmother leaving everything to me. She also left me a note that specifically said it was my time to work on myself. From the time I was a little girl I liked to doodle and I liked to write poetry. My goofy rhymes evolved into more well thought out material. I had a chance to do something with it but that was before my grandmother got sick.

  Karen took me by the hands and said, “I will be with you as long as you need me. But right now, this is a house that fits you. And there is a buyer for your grandmother’s house. The truth? It’s a woman who is looking for a house to take care of her ailing mother. And the ranch style floor plan is what she needs. So think of it as maybe passing the love and the care along to someone else. Someone else can have a home and comfort until it’s their time to move along.”

  She was sincere and genuine.

  We set up a showing for the house and I fell in love.

  A small white fence along the property line. Rose bushes. Bright yellow flowers. A two story home - something I hadn’t ever lived in. The inside had defined rooms with generic looking walls, which meant I would have lots of fun work to do. The hardwood floors were beautiful. I tried so hard to find a reason to hate it, but I couldn’t. The backyard was long with a couple big trees at the end. The neighbor had a swing set in the backyard, telling me it was a family type neighborhood. Which was good. Not that I had any kids or planned on that anytime soon, but I hoped it meant the neighborhood was friendly.

  I climbed out of my car and swallowed the lump in my throat.

  It was time for change.

  My grandmother’s house was sold.

  I bought a house.

  I even took a part-time job at a daycare center. At one point in life I wanted to be a teacher so I had all my schooling and certifications. I figured it was a good time to work with kids. I had my heart and soul damn near tortured watching my grandmother slip away. Now I wanted to watch kids grow. Their minds expand. Soak in that innocence.

  “Change,” I whispered. “Change.”

  Before I could get to the door, Karen appeared, holding it open, waving for me.

  “We’re all set,” she said. “In about two hours, you’re going to own this house, Emily!”

  I smiled.

  I was scared.

  Change.

  That’s what life was about.

  Change.

  “You ready?” Karen asked.

  “I’m ready,” I said.

  The truth… I was not ready for who I was moving next to.

  The funny thing about the entire process was that someone was there with me the entire time. Right up until the end. With my grandmother it was nurses. I became close to several of them. They all attended her services and wept like I did. I had their numbers to call and meet up if I ever wanted to. We celebrated birthdays and holidays together. We all became this family based around my grandmother’s sickness. When she passed, it was over. Those nurses were then moved to the next person.

  Same with the house.

  The entire time, I was with Karen. Right up until the last paper was signed and she handed me the keys. She walked me to the door and all but kicked me in the butt to get out.

  I pulled into the driveway and stared at my house.

  My house.

  My new home.

  The place where I was going to make everything mine. No need to accommodate anyone else but myself.

  The moving truck was set to arrive in an hour. I didn’t have all that much, so I had to buy a ton of new furniture. That was being delivered too. I was going to take up some real estate in the street for a little bit. But maybe that would get the neighbors curious to come out to meet me.

  I reached for the door to my car and opened it. But I didn’t get out.

  I felt a breeze come into the car and tickle my face. My grandmother told me that when she was gone, anytime I felt a breeze where the trees weren’t moving, that was her kissing my cheek.

  I looked to the trees.

  They weren’t moving.

  I blinked fast. I clutched the steering wheel.

  Sleeping without anyone in the house was still new to me. And now it was going to be in a new house. There were times I’d get up in the middle of the night out of habit, just to check on my grandmother.

  “Shit,” I said.

  I broke down.

  Again.

  I held the wheel tight and looked down, crying.

  Life just twisted and turned when it felt like it. I learned that hard lesson a long time ago. Being a little girl, holding a few toys, huddled up in my room, trying to understand why my life then was changing the way it was.

  I let out an obvious sob and tried to catch my breath.

  I had the feeling that I was being watched.

  As I looked up, I had this eerie feeling that my grandmother would be there. Whether ghosts or angels or anything like that was real or not, I really didn’t have any urge to see my grandmother be a part of the after life.

  In front of my car, it was clear. Nobody was there.

  I turned my head to the right and I saw a little girl.

  I did a double take.

  She was a little bit taller than the small white fence that separated my yard and the neighbor’s yard. She stood on the edge of her driveway. She had messy brown hair. The breeze that had tickled my face was playing with it. She had a pink backpack on and was holding a stuffed unicorn.

  She smiled at me.

  So I smiled back.

  She lifted her right hand and gave a small wave.

  I climbed out of my car, half smiling. I stood, leaning against the car and waved back at her.

  I heard someone yell, “Sadie! Come on!”

  The voice was heavy and deep.

  The little girl turned and started to run.

  The pink backpack bounced on her back.

  She ran around the front of a massive pickup truck.

  I side stepped and watched as she ran to a man. He held his hand out and she took it.

  My heart became butter on a hot day.

  I only saw the guy from behind, but the way his black t-shirt hugged his body was impressive. Not to mention his arms were lathered with tattoos. He turned his head and looked down at the little girl. At Sadie. I saw him smile.

  I hated to think what I thought next… but was there anything sexier than a father like that with his daughter?

  I reminded myself that I was the new neighbor and I didn’t need to start any family drama.

  My brain went into reporter mode.

  Taking note that there wasn’t any other car in the driveway.

  Stop, Emily. Just stop.

  Seeing a buff guy with tattoos holding his daughter’s hand and the way it made me feel was just a stark reminder that maybe with my time and freedom, I should actually try to find someone to be with. Preferably not the neighbor though.

  And that’s where everything took a crazy turn.

  Chapter Four

  Flowers n’ Ink

  (Emily)

  Becoming what we said never would be

  An endless search for the reflection, beyond that

  The hidden truth we may never see
/>   Hang a towel over that mirror

  Hide the truth of what waits

  Play peek-a-boo with your soul

  It’ll only send you in a circle

  I growled and dropped the pencil. It was crap. It was simply crap. Trying to be fancy one second and laid back the next. That didn’t make for good writing at all. It was sloppy and lazy. It was my mind trying to process too much at once.

  I looked out of my kitchen window and smiled. I loved the window. Right above the sink there was a small curtain, a small light. A perfect view of the backyard. My little slice of heaven.

  I closed the notebook with the pencil inside.

  Behind me two guys were finishing, bringing the last few boxes into the house. I had a large stack of boxes against the wall in the living room. The couches were placed in the middle. It was an attempt at making a home for the moment, which was fine. I preferred everything moved away from the walls because I needed to figure out what paint color I wanted for the rooms. My mind saw something fun. A different color for each room. Nothing neon or too much in your face, but I wanted each room to have its own personality.

  Outside I heard a yell.

  “Those are the last two boxes.”

  I stood in the dining room, looking right to left.

  I hurried to sign the papers for the moving guys, signing away I had received everything I was supposed to receive and that they didn’t damage my house.

  Grabbing my bag, I hurried to dig out some cash and gave them a tip. They thanked me and left. The door clicked shut and I was alone. In my new house. The house I bought.

  “Wow,” I whispered.

  I heard another scream.

  I rushed to the back door and slid the glass door open. I stepped out to the deck and saw where the scream was coming from.

  It was the neighbor.

  The little girl.

  Sadie.